Mixing with the exotic creatures at the NHF conference
Misspent youth
Housing Corporation silver fox Max Steinberg's past came back to haunt him at a lunch last week for the NHF Northern region. Fondly recalling the 1970s – when both were young bucks of the housing world – Harvest Housing Group chief Ian Perry revealed that Steinberg once helped him backdate grant forms when he missed an application deadline. Max, of course, could not possibly comment.

Mo better blues
Mo Mowlam's closing session went down a storm at the National Housing Federation conference in Birmingham. In between haranguing latecomers and flirting with chairman Richard McCarthy, she had the hall in stitches. But the speech almost never happened: Mowlam broke her glasses and the day was only saved when NHF chief Jim Coulter chivalrously lent her his bi-focals.

Send in the cLOWN
It was inevitable that after iN would come the iN jokes. And who better to do the honours than leftist comedian Mark Steele, the star turn at the NHF's gala dinner. "Has it occurred to anyone that you may have been ripped off?" he enquired. "When you get fed up with iN, there's always oFF or aT? Only 113 more prepositions to go."

Hair today, gone tomorrow
It's not just RSLs that are having a makeover. The NHF's new director of policy, Danny Friedman, has gone in for a spot of rebranding too. Gone are the Fleetwood Mac locks and dress code, to be replaced by more corporate shorn hair and dark suits.

Our fiends in the North
The ODPM may not be moving its offices out of London any time soon, but there is clear evidence that those in charge are convinced that regional inequality is a terrible, terrible thing. At a conference session on the subject last Thursday, Sarah Webb, head of policy at the Chartered Institute of Housing, said she had called Mike Gahagan, formerly director of housing at the ODPM, to discuss the North-South divide.

Yes, it was certainly a problem, said Gahagan. And for why? "There is absolutely no good practice of any description whatsoever south of the Watford Gap."

Webb of deceit
At the same session, Sarah Webb also revealed that she had tried to start a rumour that the Housing Corporation was to relocate to Barrow-in-Furness. Barrow's tourist board will no doubt be delighted.

Swimming upstream
Walking into a seminar at the conference, Social Animal was confronted by a woman dressed in a swimsuit and a hat, and a man in a ruffled shirt and breeches. Apparently, it was the diversity session. One wonders what kind of diversity was being promoted. More housing for swimmers and cavaliers?

Two legs good, four legs banned

Latest news from the ex-Soviet republics: farm animals have been evicted from council houses in Kiev after a tenant survey found 3000 pigs, 500 cows and 1000 goats in the houses. What they were doing there is not clear, although of course it can get quite cold at night in the Ukraine. One thing was for certain, though: the weight of the animals and sheer volume of their urine are destroying the blocks of flats. Only one question remains: will they be taking the chickens out of Kiev?

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Housing Today