Social animal

Disperse to the beat
I'd like to break some news that will surely have certain people dancing in the streets. The National Asylum Support Service – the body responsible for the dispersal of asylum seekers around the UK – has finally been made to face the music. Between sessions at a recent staff awayday, a DJ blasted out a variety of contemporary tunes to hurry people along to their next destination. I had heard that the body was reorganising to become more relevant, but perhaps there are more urgent priorities …

Fishing for compliments
August is upon us once more and, across the sector, thoughts are turning to the summer break. For some, however, there is no respite. Take Geoff Clinton, a maintenance officer at South Warwickshire Housing Association. On a visit to an apparently empty property in Stratford-upon-Avon last week, Clinton was shocked to find some former residents still inside. In the bathroom, to be precise: two goldfish swimming in the toilet bowl.

Quick as a flash, Clinton took the plunge and is presently casting the net far and wide to find the two fish a new home. That man deserves a holiday.

Vroom at the inn
If you want a Mercedes on the company, you're probably in the wrong job. Unless you work for Nottingham Community Housing Association, that is. The generous association has just bought 10 Smart Mercs for its staff. The tiny runabouts, beloved of space-conscious urbanites, will enable NCHA's team to rapidly reach those tenants who need face-to-face help. Social Animal did attempt to reach some of the lucky team, but repeated phone calls met with no reply. Good to see they're so eager to get on with the job.

Ssssssshhhhhhhhh
Antisocial tenants have another organisation on their case this week – the fearsome UK Noise Association. Next month, UKNA will publish a hard-hitting exposé on the severe lack of sound insulation in social housing. Tenants with noisy neighbours are being encouraged to come forward with the evidence. Watch this space for news of UKNA's longer-term projects, including one to bring peace (and quiet) to Northern Ireland.

Off with their head
News reaches us that Queen B – otherwise known as the outgoing chair of the Housing Corporation – is planning a right royal send-off when she steps down in September. Her Majesty wants to visit her subjects across the land one more time. So, to ensure the regal progress is not delayed or disturbed by a limp starter or, gasp, a bout of food poisoning, loyal minions have been sent out to taste-test local restaurants. Queen E would be impressed.