Last orders

If you recall, in my last column I suggested a brilliant and innovative scheme to enhance the public's opinion of the security industry and to increase business for installation firms.

I suggested the creation of a security based "hit single" performed by a security-centric group, and even offered some suggestions of possible band names.

I spent a considerable amount of my own time researching and choreographing a dance to accompany such a song, which I called 'The Alarmbada'.

My esteemed editor of this very journal, Mr Alan Hyder, even included a request for further suggestions from Security Installer readers for a name or volunteers for this important project.

I must say, however, that I was disgusted that he found it fit to print "No doubt you can think of something better." A lack of respect is a lack of respect in my book, no matter how you look at it.

But what disturbed me even more than this was that this appeal for contributions gathered absolutely no response whatsoever.

Frankly, this is an indictment on the industry. But, as ever, I am prepared to strike out and do what is necessary on your behalf.

The campaign begins

So, the apathy of others notwithstanding, I have come up with a plan. I still believe a "hit single" is an absolutely urgent priority.

Looking back at my notes from last month, I realised I had mentioned the group 'The Alarm', who experienced some popularity in the 1980s. I understand this group is still in existence, in some form, so I decided that the best course of action would be to get in touch with them and allow them the opportunity to record a song on our behalf.

To this end, I sent the band the following email.

Dear The Alarm,

I am writing to you on behalf of security installers and the British security industry in general with a unique and exciting opportunity. In the unlikely event that you have not heard of me, I am a security installer and immensely well-respected columnist and commentator with the industry's leading publication, Security Installer magazine.

We in the security industry have always been great fans of your music. I am particularly fond of your hit single 'London Calling', while many of my colleagues have expressed an admiration for your 'Sandinista!' triple album, despite what many critics in the mainstream media may have said about it upon its release.

Athis point I expand further upon my earlier, somewhat enigmatic reference to a "unique" and "exciting" opportunity. In fact, I would probably add the word "synergistic" to those I have already employed.

Synergistic? Yes, you heard me correctly. (Or 'read' me correctly.) I believe that the security industry is in urgent need of a "hit single", a song which could be hummed by any ordinary member of the public while simultaneously reminding them of the importance of home and business security, and subtly suggesting that they might like to think about maintaining or upgrading their current intruder alarm, CCTV or access control system.

In fact, it would also make sense to include something about investing in a new security system if they have not done so already.

This is where you, The Alarm, come in. As a potent musical force you are uniquely placed to be the group that writes and records this "hit single".

This would be beneficial to you, as well, as it would propel you back into the public consciousness and into the hearts and minds of those who may have no idea who you are (no offence).

Security installers would be more than happy to sing the song as they go about their work, and they could probably be talked into advertising it on the side of their vans. This is marketing at work.

If this sounds like an interesting proposition for you - and I know it does - please feel free to get back to me at this address. I very much look forward to hearing from you.

All the best regards etc

Your fan

Mr O Carte

PS. I have already prepared a dance to accompany the song which I have called 'The Alarmbada - the Forbidden Entry Dance'. You can do this dance in the video if you so wish.

Make a contribution

I have now sent this email to The Alarm and am eagerly awaiting their positive response.

In the meantime, it is probably worth our while trying to put together some lyrics and a song title that we can suggest to the group, as they will no doubt be very keen to get into the studio and begin recording as soon as possible.

If you have any ideas for words or phrases which should be included, feel free to email me at my personal address: ocarte@hotmail.co.uk. If you believe you can trust the editor of this publication to pass your message on, you can take your chances by sending your thoughts to ahyder@cmpi.biz.

I'd also like to hear your messages of encouragement and support. Sometimes it is very lonely being a visionary, and a little genuine human kindness can go a long way in easing the pain.