They know how to use the sky box

I was going to write my column comparing the latest news from Cern with the antics on the X Factor (a piece about risk and unpredictability, you understand) but I found myself, entirely unexpectedly, crying as I read a piece in the Observer by Gaby Hinsliff, its former political editor, about her decision to resign to spend more time with her young son. So I’ve changed tack to write about what is really on my mind.

Generally, I don’t spend time thinking about being a woman working in a male-dominated profession: it’s not an issue but simply the status quo. I’ve rarely felt discriminated against and I’m generally taken seriously, except by the odd rep who thinks I’m the office assistant and in a rather pathetic way, at my age, I feel faintly flattered. I don’t participate in women-only shows because I want to be judged with my peers, most of whom happen to be men. And I don’t believe women design differently from men.

There have been years where I was the only woman in the office, although now we’re almost 50/50. Without doubt that makes for a better, more interesting working environment, but I’ve never taken someone on just because of their sex. It is only recently that we’ve had architects with young children in our office (both guys, as it happens) but however equal or not our society is, I don’t think it will ever feel quite the same for men. That’s not to say their contribution as parents is less than ours, but we’re given the gift of childbirth and with that comes certain responsibilities and feelings and if it’s this that sets us apart from the boys, well so be it. It is a privilege not a burden and we’re fortunate to live in an age where we can chose to enact it or not.

I wrote the report for our competition entry for the Lord’s Media Centre in hospital the day after my son was born. A bit extreme, but it was a crucial deadline …

But why did I cry? What cord did Hinsliff’s piece pull? Because goodness knows there have been enough articles and books about this subject over the years. Probably because my son is on the cusp of manhood, the tables are turning and that has caused me to reflect on the way it was. The issue of whether or not I’d continue working after having a child never occurred to me. I work because I love it. I spent a long time in education to get where I am, and I derive enormous pleasure from the work I do and the people I work with. I find it fulfilling and frustrating in equal measure. I may have the odd moan about being permanently exhausted but I wouldn’t really have it any other way. I’m privileged to be able to afford a lot of help and I’m very dependent on those who support me.

I wrote the report for our competition entry for the Lord’s Media Centre in hospital the day after my son was born. A bit extreme, but it was a crucial deadline. I was in any event insanely happy and living on postnatal endorphins. I don’t regret winning the job.

There were tragi-comic moments. On my way to a planning committee meeting with a client, my six year old rang from his nanny’s phone in the street outside his karate class to say he was desperate to go to the loo – and the story unfolded in graphic detail over the airways. There was the time I lifted my son out of bed in the middle of the night to show me how to use Sky so I could watch myself on Newsnight Review.

There was the time I lifted my son out bed in the middle of the night to show me how to use Sky so I could watch myself on Newsnight Review

And there were many special moments with my son that had nothing to do with holidays, being around at half term or staying at home most nights – these moments happen when they happen and they can’t be planned. There are times I’ve longed to get back to work after interminable holidays and times I’ve wished they would last forever.

There’s no right or wrong way; you just have to find your way of doing it. Your values don’t become distorted because you work long hours, it’s just that logistics are more complicated. It’s more a question of balance. I’ve obviously written this from a personal perspective but finding a work–life balance is as pertinent for men as women. Paternity leave is not always taken up. One could put that down to a macho work culture, but I think it’s more to do with men not addressing balance in the way that women have over the past few decades, and it’s about time they did.

Money is a benefit but it’s not the reason I work. At the weekend, in a petrol station with my young niece we decided to buy a lottery ticket. I had an angst-filled moment as I fantasised about how I’d feel if I won millions, as there would no longer be the need to work. But it didn’t take me long to figure out nothing much would change. Do I work to support my son? No, I work for myself. But as my son becomes a man I just hope he will be as proud of me as I am of him.