Building buys a pint… for Gleeds and Cundall

Chosen watering hole: The Duke of Cambridge, north London
Ambiance: Trendy eco-pub
Topics: The worst green ideas, protesting penguins, getting people in tune with the green agenda
Drinks drunk: 2 Eco Warriors, 1 St Peters, 1 Pitfield Lager

My favourite is the solar panelled toaster,” laughs Jerry. “No amount of eco awareness is going to make me wait three hours for a slice of toast.” Oliver relies on reality TV to provide him with wacky ideas. “My favourite idea was on The Apprentice when the contestants had to come up with a theme for a new set of greeting cards. They chose to create cards with messages urging people to become more environment-friendly. Alan Sugar’s reaction was ‘how the hell can you have eco-friendly greeting cards?’”

No amount of eco awareness is going to make me wait three hours for a slice of toast

While Sugar may not be a man to cross, Ian reveals he can match the entrepreneur’s wrath when dealing with over-zealous architects. “The worst is when they come up with some idea they think is wonderful, such as a school with eight wind turbines. I mean, they wouldn’t even power a pocket calculator.”

“I read a piece about a guy in Tokyo who is growing grass on the roof of his car to cool it down,” chortles Oliver.

We need to have a zapper at every door that electrocutes people before they walk out if they haven’t switched their computer off

Next, we move on to the pesky problem of the eco-warrior’s elitist image. “Most of them are white middle class graduates who just get people’s backs up when they drape banners across buildings at Westminster,” sighs Ian. Oliver has a friend who chose a novel way of showing his displeasure at the actions of a mining company – dressing up as a penguin to protest at the site. But his courage failed him just before the police arrived. Hardly surprising given that his father was a senior officer at the Metropolitan Police.

“So what did he do?” we ask. “He waddled off when he heard the sirens.”

So if eco toffs are a turn-off, how can you get the public more in tune with the green agenda? Jerry thinks drastic measures are required. “We need to have a zapper at every door that electrocutes people before they walk out if they haven’t switched their computer off.” When we suggest that this solution might be a tad sadistic, Jerry moderates his plan. “Well, maybe we could do something with a swipe card to lock people in the building unless they have everything switched off. Obviously we would let them out if there was a fire … maybe.” That settled, we take leave of the Duke of Cambridge and the trio return to battle.